Nearly 4 years ago, I left my place of employment with the dream of ROOTs in my notebook. I was in search of something new, different and innovative. With my long history in residential treatment, I knew what worked and what didn’t. I knew ways I wanted to show up differently both professionally and personally. I could picture this quote that hung on the wall in a program I worked for. It said, “hurt people, hurt people”. An old saying, yes. And at a time when our industry was being held accountable for a lack of evolution and clients were speaking out against treatment they received, this gave me significant pause. How could well intended helping professionals be causing harm? How was I causing harm? How could ROOTs show up differently?
One of the reasons I was drawn to the clinical model NeuroAffective Relational Model™ (NARM®) for ROOTs is a skill called 50/50. It invites the helping professional to be aware of what is coming up for them personally in relationship to their client. 50% awareness for self while having 50% awareness for others. Some may know this as transference or countertransference. Many of us were trained to ignore or reject our transference. Shut it down, work it out, or leave it behind.
In my search, it dawned on me – How do you create a relational and trauma-informed environment where the professional can’t honor themselves? If we can’t be curious with ourselves as professionals, how can we actually be curious with our clients? How can we let go of an agenda that we aren’t even aware of or we have been taught to ignore or reject?
I came to believe that what was actually happening in our industry was a lack of awareness for how our narrative can unintentionally be acted out onto our clients. It’s actually in our awareness that we can shift this dynamic and simultaneously take care of ourselves. As our awareness increases, so does our capacity to provide a healing environment for ourselves as well as those we are in relationship with. Noticing what comes up for us without judgment gives the space to choose a different approach. For example, if I am feeling inadequate as a therapist, I may overcompensate and work harder than my client which doesn’t leave space for curiosity. As a result, the client may feel like they don’t have a choice but to comply because my agenda is more about proving I am capable than creating a space where my client can discover what it is they actually want. Choosing to be aware of my agenda allows for this to shift.
