As a fellow healer, I want to acknowledge how difficult it can be at times to engage in self-care or take the time to do our own work, especially during charged times of year like the upcoming holiday season. The reality is, we are just as human as our clients and we often find ourselves in need of an invitation to show up for ourselves. My hope is that you will see this email as exactly that — an Invitation to show up for yourself, just as you would want your clients to for themselves.
I’ve been reflecting on the holiday season and what will come of the next few months. As I do this, I am reminded of my own childhood. The smell of pine trees, cold nights and the chaos of many humans in one space. I see the beauty and challenges that came from humans being raised by humans. I see a child that adapted to meet the needs of her environment. Becoming quiet when things were too much around her or getting loud to be seen. For most of us, protecting our environment and/or caregivers became central to our survival. This is where developmental trauma comes from. While we honor the beauty of our body’s ability to adapt, we are challenged to find new ways of being as we re-enter that environment for the holidays. Even the thought/pressure to reconnect with that environment can trigger old adaptive strategies, which can leave us feeling triggered, tired, shutdown, and wishing the holidays were over.
This holiday season, I invite you to:Pause. Find a quiet space and just notice your breath and surroundings. Take a moment to let go of anything that is not serving you in this moment.
Reflect. Ask yourself – how am I relating to the holidays in this moment? Using the word “relate” in this reflection reminds our nervous system of what is present, allowing us the opportunity to relate to it differently in this moment.
Honor what strategies arise. Notice these were strategies from younger you just doing the best you could in that moment. Thank them for being so resourceful and resilient.
Create choice points. Look for ways you can show up differently than in the past. This can be as simple as driving separately, setting a time frame and/or even what you choose to wear! Choice points remind our nervous system that we now have options that weren’t available to us in the past and can create a sense of control in the here and now.
Compassionately reflect on how you showed up. No matter how we show up this holiday season, showing compassion for ourselves allows space for reflection vs shame that shuts us down and leaves us feeling guarded.
Choosing this exercise as an alternative to how we typically show up in our families of origin and making space for something different is healing. It has the potential to keep us energized for the new year and stay connected to ourselves even in times we want to disconnect from others. Holidays don’t need to exhaust us in the ways they used to. We have choice points, and the smallest of shifts can make a difference for our personal growth and ultimately make us better healers.
Warm Regards,
Kami Black
Founder, ROOTs Transition
